My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
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not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
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Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
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