Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
