The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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