hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
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