can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
