I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
