Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
