also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
you had me at cake vodka
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
