girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
