Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
