and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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