I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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