She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
