Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
