I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
