if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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