kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
