That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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