the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
