i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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