We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I deserve this hangover.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
