i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
