I must be too annoying 4 u.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
