Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
