More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
