I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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