A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
