Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
