if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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