Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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