It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
