I think I died a long time ago.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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