I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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