I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Randomize
