3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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