We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
