things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
