can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
