the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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