if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I just found puke in my bra..
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
