dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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