just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
