margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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