White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
he thought i was a dude.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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