Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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