Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
