did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
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