I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
