We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
you traded sex for a burrito?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
