and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
