I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
