My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
