Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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