all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
