New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
