just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
