I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
