got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
