I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
