I'm gonna have a badass scar
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
