Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
