That's when you crack a 10am beer
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
