i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
