found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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