Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
