before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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