I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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