I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
